The Problem with Loving Someone
by GossipGirlHere
Summary: How did Alice and Jasper deal with their separation during "New Moon"? This story explores the sorrow that filled those three days for them both, and what it revealed about the problem with loving someone.


**This is a one-shot that I had the urge to write after rereading **_**New Moon**_**. It's all about how Alice and Jasper deal with the events in Italy and their separation during those three days. It glosses over the main events with the Volturi, because we all know what happened, and this is really about Alice and Jasper. I've never written Alice and Jasper before, so be nice! It changes POV often, but I've labeled everything, so I think everyone should be able to follow along. Enjoy!**

Alice's POV:

Bella and I raced towards the airport in Carlisle's car at record speeds, owing to the fact that I was able to use my vision to detect police-free routes. When we arrived I booked us two first-class seats on the first flight to New York and on the next flight from there to Italy, and soon (but _so_ not soon enough) we were on the plane. Before we were even at a steady altitude I picked up the phone on the seat in front of me. I _had_ to call Jasper, I just _had_ to. There was no way I was going to risk dieing without talking to him first. Though, of course, I had no plans of telling him anything of the sort.

"Hello?" he said, picking up the phone on the first ring.

"It's me. We're in the air," I whispered, so low that no one further from me than Bella would be able to hear.

"Can you see what he's planning? Anything at all? Carlisle and Esme are terrified. We've moved back to Forks, but even that couldn't keep them preoccupied for more than twenty minutes...fastest move we've ever had."

"Well, that's something," I said, "New moving record. Fabulous." I knew I would've found it funny ordinarily, but this wasn't an ordinary situation, "As to what Edward's planning...I can't be sure, I keep seeing him do different things, he keeps changing his mind...A killing spree through the city, attacking the guard, lifting a car over his head in the main square...mostly things that would expose them- he knows that's the fastest way to force a reaction..."

"Don't worry, Rosalie, Emmett and I are on our way. We'll be there as soon as possible." My heart stopped, or rather, it would have if it was still beating. Jasper couldn't come, he just _couldn't_. If things didn't go well, and he was there...I wasn't going to let myself think like that.

"No, you can't. Tell Emmett no-"

He cut me off, saying, "They've already left."

"Well go after Emmett and Rosalie and bring them back."

"But Alice, you can't ask me to sit here and-" I knew where he was going with that, so I decided to head him off with reason.

"Think about it, Jasper. If he sees any of us, what do you think he will do?"

I heard him sigh as comprehension dawned on him, "Move faster," he said almost inaudibly, even by vampire standards.

"Exactly," I said with a nod, even though I knew he couldn't see it, "Bella is the only chance- if there is a chance."

"You guys have to try," he said, desperation for Edward leaking into his voice, the desperation we were all feeling.

"I'll do everything that can be done," I said, before taking a deep breath and stealing myself to say what needed to be said, "but prepare Carlisle; the odds aren't good."

"Alice," he said, a different type of desperation in his voice, "If you're there when he acts they could blame you as well, and-"

"Yes, I've thought of that," I replied, hoping to stop this conversation quickly.

"Alice promise me you'll get out of there. _Promise_ me you'll stay safe. Do you promise?" I knew that if I could cry I would be, but I had to keep a cool head. I couldn't risk him coming after me.

"Yes, I promise," I knew that wouldn't ease his worries, so I turned to my only fail-safe tactic. I was going to beg. "Don't follow me. I promise, Jasper. One way or another, I'll get out..." I had meant to stop there, but I realized that this might be the last time I'd ever speak to him again. I felt like the thought, so much huger than anything I could comprehend, would crush me. I tried to squeeze all the love I'd ever felt for Jasper into four words. "And, I love you."

"I love you too," he whispered, "Always." And then the line went dead. I hung up the phone and leaned m head back against the seat, closing my eyes. I had to say something, to voice my thoughts in some way or I'd explode. "I hate lying to him."

Of course, after that little statement Bella started pestering me for answers, which I gave, glad to take my mind off Jasper, but it didn't stay off him for long. I had to explain why I hadn't told Jasper my second reason for not letting him come, but I knew how that might sound to Bella, but I couldn't be ashamed. I was risking my life, her life, and Edward's life to keep Jasper safe, and as horrible as that sounded I couldn't be ashamed of it. I tried my best to explain that to her. "If there were any chance we could win...if there were any way that the four of us could save my brother by fighting for him, maybe it would be different," However, I knew it really wouldn't be, "But we can't. And Bella, I can't lose Jasper like that." I knew I was being selfish, and I knew I should be so ashamed, but I couldn't be. I loved Edward more than anyone...anyone but Jasper. Edward was my brother in every way, and losing him would be agony...but losing Jasper would destroy me, and I knew it.

After a few more minutes of whispered explanations to Bella I settled myself into my chair and leaned my head back, closing my eyes and letting the visions take over me.

Jasper's POV:

As I hung up the phone I sank against the couch and dialed Emmett's number.

"You coming?" he asked, I could hear the jeep engine rumbling, at least they weren't at the airport yet.

"You guys gotta come back. I just hung up with Alice, and she's right, Edward will only act faster if he sees us there. He can't see anyone but Bella."

Emmett merely grunted his agreement and disappointment, and the line went dead.

I slumped back onto the couch and closed my eyes, glad to be alone for a moment as more emotions than I think I've ever felt coursed through me, the most prominent of which was fear. My brother and my Alice could die, and, though I refused to believe it, probably would. I managed a half-smile as I thought of how I always called her 'my Alice' because common-place words like 'my wife' just didn't fit us. She was my other half in every way. She completed my soul in ways that no one else could. She saved me, and without her I wouldn't have a family or any sort of life worth living. And my Alice might not come back. I knew she was capable of taking care of herself, but against he Volturi? Did they really have a chance? I had to believe that they did, because the moment I stopped believing I wouldn't have a reason to live anymore.

Rosalie and Emmett arrived after a few minutes, and upon their arrival Carlisle and Esme came downstairs from Carlisle's office where they'd been talking quietly. They all sat down in silence, and that was when the real torture began. I didn't just have to deal with my own overflowing emotions anymore, I had to feel theirs too. Carlisle and Esme shared the same intense worry for their children. They both considered Bella their child as well in many ways, so they had plenty to be worried about. Beyond that there was nothing for them, because their fear was so all-consuming for them that there was nothing else to feel. From Emmett I felt several emotions. The primary one was, of course, fear. Not only for Edward and Alice, whom he loved as much as the rest of us, but also for Bella. With the exception of Alice, Emmett was the most fond of Bella out of all of us, and he really did see her as a true sister. There was also an underlying current of worry about Rosalie, who he knew was eating away at herself with guilt...As she should have been, and was. Guilt was by far the most prominent emotion she was feeling, though worry and fear were in the mix as well. She knew she was responsible for this, and it was destroying her. She also felt guilt about the fact that she'd been so awful to Bella, because she'd never really believed how much Bella loved Edward, though I had felt it and had told her about it. She now felt horrible about treating Bella so terribly and about now seeing Bella face certain death for Edward because of her, Rosalie.

I was being crushed with the weight of it all. I wanted to _do_ something, anything, anything at all. I wanted to scream, to run, to do _something_ to eliminate even the smallest portion of my pain and feelings of uselessness.

"I have to get out of here," I muttered to the rest of them, and without further explanation a bolted out of the house.

I ran and ran and ran and ran as far and fast as I could. I found my feet directing myself to a familiar spot. It was a cluster of rocks by a brook just next to the Canadian border. Often, Alice and I would go there to talk and to think and to escape our lovably irritating family, and the thought that we might never do that again crushed me. I didn't think, only acted. I'd never been so full of emotions and I had to do something to let them out or I would surely burst. I found myself losing complete control. I was bellowing and screaming, ripping up trees and breaking the solid rock. I felt myself coming apart at the seams, and without Alice there to pull me back together I knew nothing would. After a while I grew weary and sat down on the trunk of one of the trees I'd uprooted.

I put my head in my hands and found myself thinking of only one thing. Alice. My Alice. Everything about her was right. I won't say perfect, because she was far from it, but even that was right. She was just _right_. It was right for her, right for me...right for _us_. The way that she moved, always dancing in constant motion. The way that she spoke, her voice so light and airy that when I first heard it it sounded like angels, but since then I'd learned comes from something much deeper, much more substantial. She was my constant in life. Others might have seen it as that I, always calm and cool, kept her rooted, but it was the other way around. Even without a power she could sense my every emotion and could control them without effort. The way she and I connected on a level that didn't require words and the way that we were always present for eachother was something that would destroy me if I lost it. As my reason caught up with my feelings another emotion surfaced, one that can only exist after some sort of reasoning: guilt. Firstly, guilt for not being more worried about Edward. I was terrified for him, I really was, but my terror for Alice was so great that it eclipsed any fear I felt for Edward and Bella. Other than that guilt, I also felt guilty for the fact that I was as much to blame for this as Rosalie, if not more. If I'd been able to control myself on Bella's birthday Edward would never have left her, never have felt that pain, and this whole misunderstanding could have been avoided. If Alice died it would be _my_ fault, and that would surly make me kill myself if the loss of Alice wouldn't do it, which I had no doubt that it would. I mean, look at Edward...

My thoughts went in circles for hours as I sat there. I watched as the sky darkened (Alice having called me at about one o'clock), the sun set, the sky lightened, and the sun began to rise. The sun rose and moved across the sky, and it'd made it to the center of the sky. It was one of Fork's few sunny days, which seemed ironic considering how terrible and dark the situation was. Not to mention that the sun only increased my fear for Alice, because on sunny days when we couldn't go to school we came here and I could still picture her, petite and spiky-haired, looking just like a pixie, glowing in the sun as she talked, her hands moving animatedly. My eyes burned, and for a moment I was sure I would cry for the first time in over a hundred years. But, predictably, I was only able to produce more of the dry sobs that had wracked my body all night.

It was there that Carlisle found me. I could feel the worry radiating off him before I could even hear him, and that gave me time to stop my sobs before he could hear them. I waited as he followed my scent, and found me, still sitting in the exact same position as I had been more than twenty-three hours.

He sat down beside me and said, "You're worried about Alice." It wasn't a question.

"There aren't words," I replied quietly.

"But you know she had to do this," he said, and still it was not a question.

"I know," and I _did_. I knew she had to do it. What I didn't know is why I couldn't be there with her.

"She wouldn't have wanted you to endanger yourself that way," he said, answering the thought that must have been obvious on my face...or maybe he could sense it because he knew me so well.

"Why?" I asked, letting the pain and frustration I'd been feeling all night break through my feigned calm.

"Jasper," he said gravely, "Bella and Edward are her best friends. She closer to them than she is to anyone in this world except you. She has to face her fear of losing them, but to fear losing you is something she cannot face."

"So I have to face it instead?" I nearly shouted. I was angry. I was angry at Alice as I'd never been before. How could she do this? How could she endanger herself in this way without giving me any way to help her?

"Wouldn't you have done the same?" asked Carlisle quietly, "Put yourself in her position and tell me: What would you have done?" My anger evaporated as quickly as it had flared as the realization hit me. I would've done the same. I wouldn't have even had to think about it. "The problem with loving someone," he continued, still quiet, "Is that it's often hard to do what's best for them, and even harder to know what's best for them, as Edward has demonstrated time and time again. But would you ever wish that you didn't love her?"

"What?" I asked, "That I didn't love Alice?" The words were foreign on my tongue, not at all natural. It was inconceivable to think of a world where I didn't love Alice.

"You wouldn't be feeling this pain. It's a valid question: Is this pain worth it? It's something everyone must decide, and until they really feel this pain they cannot know for sure how they've decided. Though I am confident that I've decided, if I were to feel this worry and pain about Esme, if she was in real danger, I do not know if I would hold to my decision."

I thought seriously about what he just said, but I didn't have to think long. It maybe true that I wouldn't feel this pain if I didn't love Alice, but I would also never feel joy. I would never be who I am, and I could never wish away my love for Alice, because it was a part of me. No matter how much pain I was feeling, I would gladly feel all of it for even a second of the joy I'd felt with Alice, and I'd been given years.

"Yes," I said, "It is worth it. But that doesn't stop the pain."

"No," he said solemnly, "It doesn't."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and soon it was one o'clock. Carlisle stood up and said, "I'm going back if you would like to join me. But no one is forcing you. We understand if you'd like to be alone..."

I wasn't sure if I could face all of their emotions again, but I knew I couldn't face being alone anymore, so I stood up too and said, "No, I'm ready to go home."

Alice's POV:

Edward, Bella, and I were sitting in the lobby of the Volturi's building, as we had been for a few hours. It was about eight o'clock Italy-time now, which made it about eleven o'clock in the morning back home, and thoughts of home brought my thoughts to Jasper. I'd been too preoccupied to think of anything except the looming danger, but now I was able to search into the future, and I was pleased with what I saw. Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle were at the airport waiting for us at, according to one of the airport clocks, about eleven o'clock at night their time, which meant about twelve hours from now...I already couldn't wait.

Suddenly, Alec had entered the lobby and was smirking as he said, "You're free to leave now. We ask that you don't linger in the city."

"That won't be a problem," replied Edward coldly. The human, Gianna, gave us directions and we left without a word. I felt unbelievably light as I left Bella and Edward to get a car, though I was slightly disappointed when no porsches were available. We'd done it! We'd gotten to Edward before it was too late, and on top of that the Volturi hadn't killed us...I was now able to admit what I'd been unable to before, that I hadn't seen much chance of us coming out of this alive, something that had made it a thousand times harder to lie to Jasper...It was then that I realized what kind of a state he would be in when I returned. Jasper was a worrier, and I was seized by guilt as I drove us to the airport. He was worried sick- no probablys involved.

We reached the airport and I was able to get us a 10 o'clock flight to Atlanta from Rome, where we'd land from Florence at 9:45, and one right after that back to Seattle. The moment we'd took off from Rome (the plane from Florence didn't have phones) I picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number that was Jasper's cell phone.

"Hello?" said the familiar voice on the other end, and I felt myself relax in a way that I only did when with him. It wasn't because he used his powers on me, it was just him. He sounded as I'd expected, worried and urgent.

"Jasper, it's me," I said, and I heard him sigh on the other end. I couldn't help but smile at my Jasper.

Jasper's POV:

"Alice," I breathed into the phone, feeling myself sigh in relief. She was alright. It felt as though an immeasurable weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I turned to the others in the living room and said, "It's Alice," before turning back to the phone, "What's going on? Are you alright? Where are you? Are Bella and Edward there?"

I heard her familiar tinkling laugh on the other end of the line, and felt my face breaking into the first grin I'd worn in two days. "We're all fine. We're on a plane to Atlanta. We should land in Seattle at about 11 o'clock your time." I found myself glancing at my watch...it was two o'clock which meant nine hours of waiting...but compared to the waiting I'd endure in the last twenty four hours I'd take it.

I turned to the rest of the group and said, "They're all safe. They'll land at 11 o'clock in Seattle." I watched as everyone sighed with relief, before heading outside and turning my attention to my Alice, who was still on the phone.

"Jasper I'm sorry," she said.

"For what?" I asked, perplexed.

"I know it wasn't easy for you to be stuck in Forks worrying about me," she said.

"No," I replied, "It wasn't. These were without a doubt the worst hours of my existence. But, it reminded me of what I already knew...I love you. So much."

"Jasper," she said softly, "I love you too, and that's why I couldn't let you come. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you that way..."

"I know," I said, thinking back to my conversation with Carlisle. Could it only have been two hours ago. Though the two hours between then and when Alice had called were just as miserable as the day preceding them it felt like immeasurable amounts of time had passed in the few minutes that I'd been on the phone with Alice. "I would've done the same thing."

She sighed, having realized she was forgiven, though how she ever thought she couldn't be I couldn't imagine. "I suppose you'd like to hear about how it all went down?"

"You suppose right," I said. I listened intently as she told me everything from stopping Edward to leaving the Volturi, before I _had_ to interrupt.

"Wait, you saw Bella changing? Really? You're serious about doing it?"

"I'll have to be," she replied, "And anyway, this has gone on long enough," a familiar note of impatience was coming into her voice, "Edward clearly can't live without her, and God knows she was going insane without him, so there really is no other alternative if we don't want a repeat of the last few days in another few decades."

"I _never_ want a repeat of the last few days," I said, before laughing slightly.

"What?" she asked.

"It just," I said, trying to explain what about this was making me so happy, "I'm just really glad to hear you're okay."

"I can't wait to see you," she whispered.

My smile got, if possible, even bigger as I said, "Nor I you..." I said, letting a tiny bit of my old southern accent leak in, because I knew she loved it.

"There it is," she said with a smile, "I thought your southern drawl was going away, but my southern gentleman is still in there somewhere."

"Indeed he is, darlin," I said, and I heard her laugh again on the other end.

"I've gotta go," she said, the flight attendants are all glaring at me, and I have to keep and eye on Edward and Bella, make sure they don't have any intense and/or serious conversations surrounded by a bunch of flight attendants and Italians."

I laughed and said, "Love you."

"Love you too," she said, "Always," I smiled as she repeated my line from a day earlier before hanging up...had it really only been twenty-five hours ago?

I went back into the house and walked up to Alice and my room where I sat down on the bed. For the first time I wanted more than anything to sleep, so that I could sleep away the hours until it would be time to head to the airport. However, sleep was an impossible goal, so I contented myself with thinking, and occupation which soon got me to the appropriate time. We decided to take two cars, because once Edward, Bella, and Alice came back we'd be eight. I was slightly surprised to hear that Rosalie and Emmett were coming. I knew Emmett couldn't wait to see Bella, but I thought he'd remain home with a surly Rose, but apparently she was going to make an effort to turn over a new leaf with Bella, and hey, stranger things have happened.

I rode with Carlisle and Esme to the Sea-Tac airport, while Rose and Emmett took the other car. When we reached the arrivals gate I waited impatiently for their flight to arrive. I became more and more irritated with the inefficiency of the airport system, but all of those thoughts vanished when I saw her. I didn't even register Edward and Bella, who I knew had to be somewhere near her. I only saw her. My Alice. I was at her side in a moment, and I just looked into her amber eyes and she looked into mine, and that was all the talking we needed to do. She could read every emotion in my eyes just as easily as I could read every one in hers. I put my hands on either side of her face and just looked at her, and I was sure I would never get tired of looking.

Alice's POV:

I could feel his hands on either side of my face, and I closed my eyes, leaning into them. I felt truly calm for the first time in almost three days, and yet I knew his gift had nothing to do with it. I opened my eyes so as to get a better look at him, and as my eyes searched his I grew guilty at what I saw. He truly had been frantic while I'd been away. I'd expected no less of him, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt me to see how much pain I'd cost him.

After a few minutes I was tapped on the shoulder, and turning around I found myself enclosed in Esme's warm arms.

"Alice dear," she said, "We were so worried..."

As we broke apart I smiled at her and she smiled back. She was the only mother I'd ever known, but I knew then that we were connected as much, if not more, than any 'real' mother and daughter. I then turned to Carlisle and hugged him, before returning to Jasper's side immediately. It was only then that I turned my attention back to Edward and Bella, relishing the feeling of Jasper's hand in mine. Bella looked absolutely exhausted, which didn't surprise me, because I wasn't sure if she slept at all on the plane. We made our way to the car, when I noticed that they'd brought two, and that Emmett and Rosalie were standing by one. I was even more surprised to see that Bella and Edward would ride with them, but I didn't question it.

Jasper and I got into the backseat of Carlisle's car, which he'd apparently retrieved from the airport yesterday afternoon.

"Alice," said Carlisle as he started the car, "What happened?"

"Well," I said, leaning up against Jasper as I began, "We arrived in time to save Edward, but then..."

Jasper's POV:

We arrived home from the airport just as Alice finished telling Esme and Carlisle the story. We all got out of the car, and I made to go into the house with Carlisle and Esme, but Alice, as usual, had other ideas. She took my hand and pulled me towards the woods, and I followed her without question. We jumped the brook and then were running, hindered slightly by our still-joined hands, but I wasn't going to change that, and neither was she. We arrived at our spot, and only then did I become ashamed as I surveyed it.

"Oh Jazz," she whispered, and only then did I realize that it was the first thing she'd said out-loud to me since her arrival. It felt as if so much had passed between us. She looked around at the remnants of rock and uprooted trees, her eyes wide.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Why are you sorry?" she asked, looking confused.

I too became confused at her comment and said, "Well, it's not like it'll ever be the same again."

She shook her head as she put her hands on either side of my face and said, "No, it'll be _better_, because every time we come here I'll remember how much you love me. I'm so sorry I put you through this."

I shook my head, "Don't be. It had to be done, and I managed. I'm not going to pretend it was easy...but I managed." I pulled her down onto the nearest tree trunk and settled her onto my lap. I rested my chin on the top of her head and closed my eyes, concentrating on the wonderful feeling of her playing with my fingers.

"Oh," she said after a few minutes, turning around to look at me, "And, in case I haven't said it enough...I love you."

"I love you too," I said, leaning in to kiss her. And I knew that after the last twenty-six hours nothing could ever make me stop loving Alice- though I'd never really doubted that anyway. How could I not love her? She was my Alice.

**I hope you all liked that! Please leave a review and tell me what you thought of it!**

**XOXO**

**GossipGirlHere  
**


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